To all the two boys who read this blog (my dad and my brother-in-law… sometimes) you’ve lucked out. I’m not talking to you. For everyone else – listen up!
Let me start at the beginning. I got thrown into the fire when it comes to dating. I was in a long term relationship and had never dipped my toes in the online dating pool. It was something I was very thankful for… until now. I had absolutely no idea how I was supposed to act [or text] I went from sending my ex selfies of me with oreos in my teeth [hmm this is very telling] to having look 100 in my app profile pics; from texting 12 times in a row without a second thought to having to wait an hour or two to answer “what do I do for fun”. It was wild – and I had a steep learning curve ahead of me.
Luckily, with the pandemic, I had some time to learn. While others were perfecting their sourdough starter, I was googling how to talk to boys. [LOL] What am I 12?? I hate not knowing what to say (awkward silence is the worst) and while as a kid I was super shy, I usually feel pretty confident in situations like this – so what is different now? Rejection! I. Hate. Rejection. Who doesn’t? And on these apps you really have a 50/50 chance of getting the axe. Worst part? It’s literally just on your looks. Wonder why our generation has so many insecurities? [ding ding ding!]
I just had to step back and put things into perspective for myself. For every guy who says no to me, I’ve also said no to 20 more; for every message I get nervous to send, the guys are feeling the same way. Good thing is, there is no better research than doing and you learn A LOT from seeing what people say to you. Cheesy pick up line? Meme? Question? [I’m getting anxious for you…] You will quickly notice what you like, and can then shoot that off to the next person to start the conversation. You will also get a handful that you don’t like… here are some of mine:
Ok this is a no brainer – you weed out the sleazy guys very fast by what they say first. I have learned that, unfortunately, it is most of the cute ones. Stay focused, ladies! LISTEN to what they’re saying and don’t get distracted by their pretty faces.
My trick to attempt to weed them out is to set my settings to filter out people who aren’t looking for a relationship. I’m totally down to keep things casual… but casually in a restaurant with other people and drinks and food and not feeling accosted. Moving on…
OK – I believe this trend started in kindergarten and somehow boys just never grew up [go figure] but I don’t like the teasing. I think some guys think they’re being flirty by poking fun at you, and don’t get me wrong, I’m all about a good joke at your partners’ expense, but get to know me first! If I have no idea who you are or your personality, it’s really tough for me to decipher if you’re just being sarcastic or just a plain d-bag [sorry, mom, for her language]. This doesn’t make for the greatest first impression, and then you have to work a lot harder to gain my attention back.
Just a tip from this single gal: stick to the compliments in the beginning… a few weeks later you can begin layering in the jabs – but be ready to take them back 😉
This is weirdly my biggest pet peeve of them all.. I would take a pass or a joke over a “hi.” At least the others would entertain me. “Hi” is the worst! Could you think of nothing else? All those witty prompts I had on my profile, a pic that you resonated with, google a pick up line, find a meme, even just add “how are you?” if you’re really lazy. Literally ANYTHING else. [there has to be an app for this kinda stuff… if not, note to us]
“Hi” just shows me you aren’t that interested, and you aren’t creative. It’s really difficult to start a conversation off of this… so I always opt to be just as plain and say “hi” back. Conversation over – until next time, boys!
What are some of the worst first impressions you’ve had? I can’t wait to hear them all!!