First dates… It’s been a while since we have been able to do this in person. It’s personally been a while since I’ve done this at all [or ever…]. So, I feel like we could all use a little refresher on some do’s and don’ts:
You should…
Do your research. No shame in the game – social media is your friend. Channel your inner Sherlock Holmes and stalk their ass. The more information you know going into it, the better. Whatever you do, though, do NOT give away your detective skills [this is where I’d get caught]. They don’t need to know what you know.
Listen. Talk less, smile more (I’m a Hamilton nerd). You are more interesting to them if you seem interested in them. Let them talk about themselves – everyone’s favorite topic – and you’ll automatically have the upper hand, or at least the ability to judge if they are right for you.
Feel confident. We all know what makes us feel good. For me, it’s just getting ready – little hair and make-up and a cute outfit make me feel like a whole new person (considering the person I am 75% [hmm 90%?] of the time is in their PJs on the couch… this makes sense). If you’re meeting up with someone (and they show up) clearly they want to be there – so know that and bask in the fact that you have a fan.
Have an escape plan. Stay safe, ladies. Someone should always know who you’re with and where you’re going. Unfortunately, the world can be a scary place for us. This is why I’m always sharing my location with my sister (I hope she doesn’t abuse that). Make sure you know how you’re going to get out of there if you feel creeped out – or just aren’t feeling it.
Call it a night early. That being said – sometimes you should escape anyways. I use 9pm as a rule of thumb. Even if you’re really into them – it doesn’t hurt to leave them wanting more. Also, keep the first date what it is – just get to know them, feel the vibe, and get out of there. Cut it short even if you want to stay – go home at 9pm [I’m already asleep on the couch by this time… seems too late for me lol]
You shouldn’t…
Get your hopes up. Not to be pessimistic – but this one is legit. It sounds sad… but my life motto really is “keep your expectations low – then you can never be disappointed”. Go into it knowing that you can’t control how they are going to feel about you – and either way it’s not a bad thing. If they like you, great, and if not, aren’t you glad you know now?
Get drunk. This is basically me talking to myself. I have an issue that I do everything faster when I’m nervous. I talk faster, I eat faster and… I drink faster. I have to tell myself beforehand no more than two drinks and stick to it. Remember, this is your first impression so don’t get sloppy or you may not get that second date [don’t be thirsty… ha!!]
Be late. Again, me talking to me. My friends hate it… but I really struggle with punctuality. It’s not on purpose, and not for lack of trying, but I always end up not being able to get a cab, get stuck in traffic, or the dog just won’t pee fast enough. So, I try to give myself a 10-15 min cushion, and if I’m weirdly early I just walk around a couple blocks away… I mean – I don’t really want to get there first, do I?
Talk about your ex. This should be common sense… no one wants to hear about your past or think they’re being compared to someone else. Also, leave that list of criteria you have at home too – you’re already there, so just be present and psychoanalyze tomorrow.
Say you want a second date if you don’t. I know it’s wildly uncomfortable, and you hate hurting anyones feelings, but if you really aren’t into the situation then don’t send mixed messages. I would either avoid the question, address it before they do, or just run for your life. JUST KIDDING, don’t do that last one (or if you do just call me first so I can watch) [same]
Be yourself – ha, kidding. You obviously should do this. Don’t try to be who you think they want, because a few weeks later when the real you comes out, you can’t be sad if they’re surprised. There are a lot of should and shouldn’ts when it comes to dating – but you being you is a given. Get out there, and get those dates.
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